Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Message In A Bottle

My name is Christopher and I have a story to tell.  I make no accusations or false claims, only the events as I experienced them and as it was told to me by my girlfriend.  This is a one sided story for I cannot speak on anybody else's behalf.  I moved back to Dallas 4 and a half years ago to attend college after serving 5 years in the army.  So, I found an apartment and a new job.  While working I came across one of my coworkers that seemed like a genuinely good person, which as you may know is hard to come by these days.  She seemed a good christian woman by all accounts so I decided that it may be a good idea to try to get to know her on a more personal level.  It turned out that the feeling was, to my astonishment, mutual.  One day I was asked to lunch to meet her family, so off I went to sit down and have a nice meal with my new-found friend and her loved ones.   I was met with what felt like a little bit of scrutiny by the family, but due to their background I assumed it was appropriate.  I tried to keep it light and tell a few amusing anecdotes however the mood never faded.  This encounter started myself and my girlfriend down a long, winding road of ups and downs.  You see, the family appears to believe I'm not who I claim to be.  I'm believed to be a warlock and a rapist. Though I've only spoken to them that one time, judgment was made and my label set, no matter how untrue and unfounded that was.

     Let me tell you more about my girlfriend.  She's 10 years older than I am however that doesn't seem to be as much as an issue as most would claim. We've grown to trust and confide in each other. Shes a great woman, however has a few emotional scars from her past that occasionally come up for air.  Don't we all?  She has an intelligent, though somewhat sheltered daughter who at first seemed to be happy for her mother's new found relationship.  That was to eventually change though.
     Our first actual date occurred a few months later.  We decided on the classic dinner and a movie.  We also decided to try to be open with her daughter, maybe to teach her what a proper relationship of this level should be, so we brought her along.  Everything went well during dinner, smiles all around.  I don't remember which movie it was we were going to see, but it didn't end up mattering too much.  Our movie was interrupted by her mother, who was outraged.  I was called some evil names, all of which were untrue, but the evening was ruined all the same.  We tried to watch the movie however it turned out to be a little inappropriate anyways so we left.  After being dropped off at my vehicle, they went home.
     Unknown to them, their family was was home waiting for them intent on an intervention of sorts.  I cannot fully understand the spiritual intentions of their goal, however after being both physically restrained and verbally tormented, my girlfriend called, in tears, to break up with me.  Reluctantly, I accepted the events and judgment made by the influence of her family, whom she loves so much.  After a short time, I received another phone call from her to explain what happened.  At 37, she felt that it was her choice of what was best for her and her daughter, so we resumed our relationship.  Only one thing was different.  Interventions are designed to be traumatic for the intent of changing a loved one's self-imposed bad habits.  My girlfriend understood the misguided best intentions of her family, but her daughter did not.  She had been shaken up pretty badly when her aunt held her to the ground screaming at her.  Well, self preservation kicks in in the mind of a 15 year old child, so she became distant and understandably so.  We decided that to protect her we had to remove her involvement in our relationship whenever possible.  Not exactly what we had planned but we had no alternative.
     Before I knew it, I was accused of performing some sort of satanic ritual on my girlfriend's sister, who came up with this memory months after it supposedly happened.  I don't really know her, but it seems that she has a very easily excitable temper.  She later exclaimed to my girlfriend that it was her time to get married and have a family, not my girlfriend's.  Unfortunately, that was the nail in the coffin as far as the family was concerned.  I had never been so hated in my life.  I could understand if I had done something wrong but I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what I had done to deserve this hatred.  Nevertheless, not having any contact with the family, I was unable to voice my side of this horrible misunderstanding.
    I figured that with time all matters would be aired out and an understanding could be achieved.  Unfortunately, that was never the case  My girlfriend's daughter became distrustful of myself and eventually even her mother, who with the exception of Jesus, loves her more than anybody else and has done her best to protect her from birth (in and of itself a miracle.)  My relationship with my girlfriend has become strained in no small part due to the situation we find ourselves. Neither one of us are perfect, but we trust each other in our motives, love and sacrifice.
    Fast-forward roughly 2 and 1/12 years later...........My girlfriend is informed by her daughter that she wants to live with her grandmother.  She's 17 and for intent on moving out citing that she does not feel safe at home.  Knowing that she could not be safer, my girlfriend refuses.  Not long afterward, after spending time at her grandmother's house, my girlfriend is refused when trying to pick up her daughter.  Her own mother is taking her daughter in against the wishes of her mother.  While at her grandparents she are informed that her daughter has come up with a memory of me raping her.  After pleading to her family and getting refused, my girlfriend lets her stay the night.  After taking off of work the next day, she went back to try and reason with the family. While while trying to locate her daughter, they came back to my girlfriend's house and took the two dogs belonging to my girlfriend.  After feeling betrayed by all events, my girlfriend had no other choice but to get the police involved.  Upon making statements to the police, my girlfriends daughter downgraded her claim to a satanic blood ritual and after some fair guidance from the police, it was decided that the family shouldn't become fractured from this.  My girlfriend promised not to cut off her mother's right to see her granddaughter in return for a promise that she would not try to hold the child there again.
     Two days later while my girlfriend is at church, her sister brings her daughter back to her grandmother's and for a second time refuses to let her leave with her mother.  Not wanting to do anything to further traumatize her daughter, she decides to let her spend some time with her grandmother to sort out her feelings while her mother gets some guidance from church counselors on how best to proceed.  While at work the family came back to my girlfriend's house and took her daughter's belongings to include her bed.  My girlfriend is left without her daughter, her two dogs, and a reasonable, factual explanation why her family has done this to her.

This is where we are at right now.  We have no ill will against her family, however a line is quickly being crossed between a very unfortunate misunderstanding to all out insanity.  I write this not as an accusatory letter but a simple statement of the facts as I have experienced them.  There are some things left out of this letter, however that is to cut down on the amount of reading.  This is a one time communication to whoever will read it.  A plea for help, if you will.  Again, I am not perfect by any means, however I have done nothing that I have been accused of.  I pray this reaches an open mind and a heart in search of healing.


6 comments:

  1. HI, I would like to say it is not you and you probably never did anything wrong. I Was marries a long time. Let me start off. I was 15 when I met my wife and she was 16. Her family never liked me from the start. I was a low life blah blah blah for 25 years. Me and my wife decided that it was (OUR) dicision and not theirs, so we ended up excluding them till they got the point she had her own mind. I could careless if they liked me or not and also I had no ill will. My wife would lend large amount of money out to them and she loved them very much. I never said a word about it, they were her family. It got to the point where my wife was very ill and I was doing all I could for her cost millions yet her family felt I was the worst. alots of things took place but I never left it accect my feelings of genuine love for her. I lost all I had to keep her alive as loong as I could,it never mattered at all to me money is only a thing. My wife past away a few years a ago and when she died they all came around and wanted to be friends and stated that they felt bad for the way they treated me. MY words to them, Wish you could have fixed it be for she died, and that That they can explain their actions to GOD seeing God knows and also knows no im not perfect but I was all I could be for her and did all I could. Since then Im chatting a wonderful young lady from here we have been chatting a couple years now and she is a wonderful person whom I plan to meet and continue my life with. But pray and ask God for his guidance and listen and follow the path he leads you down... Thats my facts and my feelings on your situation, hope you get something out of my experience as well that may help you.

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  2. To JK

    Thank you for your story. It helped me to put things into perspective. The letter was originally supposed to end up being sent to her mother's email address through her ministry website. Shes a therapist and a minister. I was asked by my girlfriend not to send the email. Supposedly she gets these type of letters from time to time from husbands of the clients she sees. So I respected her wishes and had the letter posted here instead. I wasn't sure what I expected to come of it, but I'm glad I did. Thank you, and good luck with your new relationship.

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  3. I received an email from a friend which simply said: "I will handle all your problems today. God" And here are a few reminders that if you can't trace his hand, just trust His heart:

    * · Believe in God.
    * · Believe in God's abilities.
    * · Believe in God's willingness to help you through a tough time
    * · Believe God can and will work things out for good

    The Scripture reminds us that God will show up and take care of us. He has a plan for our lives, plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, to give you the future you hope for. God encourages us to call on him and when we pray he will listen. When we come looking for Him, he promises we will find Him and we will not be disappointed. "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

    I'm not married yet Christopher, but i feel what you feel in that situation, and i hope your girlfriend and you stronger than ever, Wish u all the best and God always bless you!

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  4. Hi,Thank you sharing your story, Not all people are brave enough to share their story of humiliation and rejection. But despite all the accusations, the important thing is that, you were able to prove your genuine love and care for your girlfriend.

    I remember my story, somehow similar to your girlfriend. I met a man whom I had relationship with, and introduce to my parents. But my mother was so against my Boyfriend. And my mom didn't hide her dislikes whenever my boyfriend will try to visit me home. But despite all the humiliation, My boyfriend continue to pursue me. Though in the end, the relationship ended. Not because I follow my parents wish to stay away from my boyfriend. My point is, When we love the person, no matter how against all odds the situation is, at the end, its the love that will prevail.

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  5. Your story is a sad one as the parents of your partner seem to be the ones border lining on extreme behavioral beliefs.
    Your actions for whatever reason caused them to go into some sort of a protection mode. This is a very hard thing to fight when one is protecting their children.
    It is very unfortunate that they could not see past their own fears of whatever it is that has them reacting in such an irrational manner.
    Yes, this is your story...so it is less than half of what the story is about. As far as your part reads...the issue or issues lie wit your partners family and not you~
    Love will prevail as it has an unforeseeable energy and drive~

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  6. If you trust in God and ask for Guidance down the road call life. God will Guide you if you follow, but the most important thing is you listen and follow. Life is but it is what we make of it good or bad it is up to us to follow the path we are shown...

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